Review: Thee Alcoholics ‘Bear Bites Horse Sessions’

There’s something of a tradition with garage rock bands utilising ‘Thee’ rather than ‘The’ in their names. Think Thee Headcoats, Thee Exciters, and my faves Thee Hypnotics (Recommendation – Floatin’ In My Hoodoo Dream). Apocryphally, this adoption of an extra vowel stems from its use by the ‘60s Latino band Thee Midniters who, depending on which story you believe, either used it to distinguish themselves from another band or because it was a popular affectation with local gangs when naming themselves. Anyroad, it’s cool, as is Bear Bites Horse Sessions by Thee Alcoholics.

The promos list containing this album dropped into my inbox just as my musical palate was feeling somewhat jaded. This old timer was in need of something to floss the aural detritus that we’re subject to on a daily basis, out of my lughole-brain connection. Thank the Gods then for Thee Alcoholics Neanderthal sleaze-stomp-garage-noise-psych fuzz out.

This is some primitive (in the very best way!) mind-melting, gutter rawk ’n’ roll. Kicking off as they mean to go on, Baby I’m Your Man (a title so The Stooges-esque it makes me want to grow a bowl cut) begins with howls of guitar that slide into a circular four-note riff and a back-to-basics four-to-the-floor pounding that the band exploit for all their worth. Thus, Thee Alcoholics prove the old axiom that if you’ve got a good idea, you should play it to death. And then some. The vocals are buried way, way down underneath the layers of groovy, filthy noise, with Rhys Llewellyn coming on like Iggy at his most louche after a Mogadon-Thunderbird cocktail.

Be in no doubt people, there’s no subtlety here, Thee Alcoholics set out their stall early and plough that furrow until the listener is bludgeoned into recognising Bear Bites Horse Sessions as one the great rock ’n’ roll albums of 2024.

There’s something delectably threatening about all this repetitive noise and obfuscated vocal delivery, perhaps something atavistic, dredging up the bewilderment and fear that parents of ‘50s and ‘60s teenagers felt at the advent of rock ‘n’ roll, with its gyrating hips and rejection of hitherto unquestioned social mores and rules, performed by unwashed hoons in need of a good haircut. This session hangs on to the leather trousered swagger of American ‘60s garage whilst adding a huge skin popping shot of the most disreputable sonic sleaze, to create a chimeric riffosaurus rex that stomps all over the listener’s musical sensibilities.

a primal, nihilistic sonic assault…

There will be some unenlightened members of the congregation who don’t see what the fuss is about, who just don’t get it. Get what? That a primal, nihilistic sonic assault such as that dished out here with Flick Of The Wrist or It’s So Easy, can be an essential trip away from the dross of everyday life. There will inevitably be those who fail to grasp that a fully cranked amp, a straining fuzz box and rudimentary drums are the Unholy Trinity of The Church of The Sonic Garage.

I could tell you that Thee Alcoholics was the baby of Hey Colossus’s Rhys Llewellyn, or give you a track-by-track rundown with tasting notes for each song, but really, c’mon. That’s not going to help anyone understand what this record (and you should get it on vinyl) sounds like, nor convince you to hand over your hard-earned shillings to the local record hawker.

If you need your rock ’n’ roll dirty and fuzzed out with a palaeolithic rhythm section and scuzz bucket vocals buried deep in a not so shallow grave; if you too worship at the altar of all that is grimy and groovy, and if your ideal listen is Funhouse but, y’know, more so, to the Nth degree, then Bear Bites Horse Sessions is an essential listen.

Label: Rocket Recordings
Band Links: Bandcamp | Spotify | Twitter | Instagram

Scribed by: George Green